I really couldn't care less. This is how I've felt and still feel... probably always will feel this way. But who cares right? It's all one. big. joke.

Tell me why I should live when I basically have nothing? The only thing and person that gave me happiness and a reason to live took his life because he was going through self-hate and being the guy he was... he fullfilled his wishes and dreams and took his life... so many words and questions are now left unsaid and unasked.
Why is it that all good people havebad things happen to them yet bad people have good things happen to them?

I for one am sick of it. The sooner I cross to the other side, the better everything will be. I won't have to put up with backstabbing, lying, two-faced, hypocrittical, judging, fake people.... "family" included for they are also part of what I just said... they're they biggest betrayal to man-kind. I also won't have to put up with the haunting dreams that have taken a liking to pague-ing my sleep, mind and thoughts... every sleeping and waking second I'm breathing.

I don't know what to think anymore... Is life really worth living if you don't have happiness and meaning because it's gone forever? Is it really worth it when everyone you know resents you and turns their back on you when you most need them? I wonder what really did go wrong for me to deserve this one big betrayal.... to me, it is everyone's joke for me to live when I REALLY don't want to (I've tried so many times since the death to cross to the other side but brought back to life with a smirk on people's faces), then again... everything's a joke in this world and I was just another joke added to keep everyone amused and entertained...

To quote Nikki Sixx in Heroin Diaries... "This is, without a doubt. my life. after death"